The Waiting

Crying on the bathroom floor finally writing out what has been stuck in my heart, and now my head, most of the week. 

Waking up and living with this disease, or maybe multiple diseases, and then having to wait another 2 months is nothing, right? 

Wrong. Finally probably knowing what is causing a lot, but maybe not all, of my health issues and then having to wait 2 months to be told this is the diagnosis or not is torture. Wanting the answer you’ve been waiting years for when no doctor would see the signs is so hard. (I have known something is wrong for at least 4 years and have seen hints of it before that too.) Begging for some of the symptoms to go away and yet having to wait 2 or more months to get answers and then probably longer to see any results is devastating. 

I am trying really hard to remind myself that it’s all in God’s hands and it’s His perfect timing, even though I don’t get it and want it fixed right now. I feel like God has put me in a lot of seasons of waiting and this one is by far in the top hardest. God is good and He will provide, but man, the waiting is so hard especially when you’ve done it for so long. 

Saturday October 19, 2024